It's a girl

My previous post brought you up to the point where Nick had gone AWOL and Breanna was living with Christie's family, intent on keeping the baby. As of now, Nick is still unaccounted for and there's a warrant out for his arrest. Breanna gets calls from him periodically. He says he misses her and the baby, but Breanna seems intent on ending the marriage. She's working with the legal counsel office on base to fill in forms for a divorce. Bree has heard from Nick's mother, who is in Missouri. Bree thinks he's somewhere around there, too, probably with a brother. I presume that Nick will eventually do something that causes the warrant to come up and he'll be back in custody. If he's given back to the Marine Corps' custody, it won't be pretty.

Bree had an ultrasound about a week ago and it looks like the baby is a girl. That's what she wanted, so this makes it even less likely now that she'll ever place the baby for adoption. Dave and I still don't think that's the best thing for the child, who deserves a stable home with two parents. But I've accepted that this is Breanna's decision, and she wants to keep and raise the baby. I keep hearing stories about how having a baby as a single mom has transformed someone's life, how they grew up fast and became a responsible adult in a hurry. I would love to see that. I know Breanna's trying. Maybe it will happen for her. She is attempting to get a full time job with benefits. She had an interview last week for a receptionist job, but won't know 'till tomorrow if she got it.

Emotionally Bree generally seems a lot more stable. She still gets overwhelmed. One day this past week she was here using a computer and making phone calls. She got some bad news that there's going to be a gap in her medical coverage between the military health care and her MediCal enrollment. She pretty much went to pieces, crying and raging about how Nick "left her all this work to do." Truly, she's always filling out forms for something these days, and there's more to come as she applies for all sorts of government assistance. I feel bad for her, but sometimes don't know what to say except "I'm sorry you're having to go through this." Then when she calms a bit, I try to help her figure out what's the next step she can take to keep moving forward.

I keep telling myself the same thing: just one step at a time, one moment at a time. My emotions can still fluctuate, but most days I cope pretty well. Jennifer, the counselor, seems to like prodding me to cry when I see her! She thinks I don't really "sit with my feelings" before forcing myself to deal with them and move on. I'm not sure about that. I have cried buckets over all the heartache this year! I feel a tremendous sense of loss over the events in Breanna's life, and all our lives. There's no going back, and there's no easy solution to any of her problems. I would have never in a million years imagined we'd all someday be in these circumstances, but we are! And it's very tough and hurtful and angering and disappointing and embarrassing... and some days everything washes over me and I'm tearful and depressed. But mostly I'm busy just trying to do what needs to be done each day. Some days I interact with Breanna, and some days I don't. I'm learning to let go of needing to know all that's going on with her. I'm learning not to instantly jump in with suggestions and solutions when she has a problem. I'm finding it is possible to have peace that passes understanding. It's really inexplicable at times, but it's real.

Well, I think that's the latest on the Breanna front. Here are a couple of reports on prayer requests from earlier this year that I may not have gotten back to my prayer partners on:

• Dave's dad is recuperating well from quadruple bypass surgery. He's in Indiana. Dave wants to get out there sometime this year to visit.
• My dad had knee replacement surgery over the summer and that went extremely well. He's back to walking the golf course and loving it.

Thanks for you love, prayers, and concern for us all.