Long overdue Garrison update

Hi there~

It's the world's worst blogger here. But trust me, I have good reasons for being offline! Here comes a major Garrison family update....

First, Breanna and Cassidy. Breanna has been working a temp job for Kaiser Permanente, but that's about to end. She has some good possibilities for work after that, but nothing's solid yet. She changed her mind about taking the back office medical training. She decided front office was all the schooling she could handle for now.

Bree's a very devoted mommy to Cassidy and works hard to provide and care for her. When Breanna is working, Cassidy goes to a home daycare. I've met Debra, the daycare provider, and she seems wonderful. In fact I've see her each Wednesday for several weeks in a row when I picked up Cassidy for a "baby sign language" class. It's a relatively new thing, teaching babies some basic vocabulary from American Sign Language. Studies show that it enables little ones to communicate their needs sooner than they can with verbalizing words. Cassidy is a little young for it, but in another month or so we could start seeing her mimic some of the signs. The class is over now, but we might enroll in the advanced class in the spring. Meanwhile, I bought a DVD to help us practice.

There's more about the life of Cassidy, and plenty of pictures, on her blog: http://babycassidy.blogspot.com/.

More good Breanna news: she and Erin have ended their friendship, as of about a month ago. I found it hard to contain my glee!! I hope it's for good. Erin is just not a "quality" friend, which is what Breanna desperately needs right now. Also, Breanna was dating another Marine for a time, though I know it was against her better judgment. They've now broken up but are still "friends." I'm hoping this, too, might fade away. My prayer request for Breanna is that she'd find ways to connect with healthy, positive people as friends, and not all the downward-dragging types she's been associating with in the past. I'd also like to see her less concerned about finding a boyfriend/potential husband. I know she gets lonely and she wants Cassidy to have a daddy. But you just can't rush these things, and Bree has a lot of work to do first to GROW UP. She really hasn't completed the transition to adulthood, even though she's living an adult life, with a baby and all!

As for Breanna's depression, she's been on a prescription for about a month and she seems to think it's helping. It really affects her appetite: either she's not hungry or she craves specific things, and not necessarily those she used to like. It's strange. But at least it seems to have helped with the low-end of the mood swings. She doesn't get quite as far down. She seems committed to stick with the meds for a solid trial period.

I guess those are the Breanna/Cassidy highlights.

As for Brenden... he moved out as of August 28! That was 4 days ahead of our September 1 deadline. He's renting a room with a family not far from here. Work wise, he's still doing the construction job. I don't know if he's delivering pizza anymore. He's not in school this fall. He couldn't fit the glass blowing class into his life, considering his work schedule. He's still in karate, however, four nights a week. He's working on achieving his blackbelt.

Relationally, it's a bit strained between Brenden and me. He seems to feel that we "kicked him out of our lives." Well, that certainly isn't true. It's just time for him to be on his own and for all of us to restructure the parent/child relationship to fit this era of life. I'm sure it's uncomfortable for him. And I feel sad, not being able to interact with him regularly. But it's also a relief not to have the tension here in the house all the time. There was just no reconciling our divergent lifestyles.

Speaking of divergent lifestyles, there is more big news. A number of our friends and family know this by now, but plenty more do not... But Dave and I are separated and will soon be filing for divorce. I'm really sorry (for those who didn't know) to share this news with you this way, via a blog! But there are only so many conversations one can have about this type of thing....

Anyway, here's the story. Early last year (2006), Dave and I started talking about what our "empty nest" visions were, since we were just a year away from that becoming our reality. Well, I didn't have anything real specific in mind, so I guess I just pictured remaining here in Oceanside, keeping our business afloat, and exploring what the options might be for things like volunteer work in the community. Well, as Dave gave consideration to the same question, he decided that his heart's desire was to pursue golf professionally, with an aim of joining the seniors' tour when he turns 50 (in 2009). Furthermore, he pictured pursuing this dream while living in Las Vegas. He has spent more and more time there (as many of you know) in the past couple years. We do have some legitimate business there, but often he would extend business trips so he could play in a poker tournament. He's gotten quite good at poker and even placed in some competitions. He just thinks it's really fun, and he likes to spend as much free time doing it as possible. So in a nutshell, Dave's idea of the "empty nest" meant being free to pursue golf and poker, in Las Vegas... and being "free" in his mind also meant not having the responsibility of a wife, a home, and a jumbo mortgage.

Well, like I said, we began talking about these things last year. But then Breanna's life pretty much took center stage and we shelved our discussions of "our" future, till further notice. Finally, after Cassidy was born and Breanna's life settled into a routine, the subject came up again. Dave had continued to think about the above scenario, and had already begun to look into implementing it. He didn't push a time frame, but as we talked about things more and more, it was apparent that there was no reason to forestall making a change. So in June, we began the process of telling family and friends.

I'm sure you're wondering how the kids took the news. Brenden was very nonchalent, and acted as if he was expecting it! But it did give more impetus to his need to move out; we were putting the house on the market and soon we'd ALL be moving out. Breanna took the news harder. She couldn't understand why Dave wanted to move away. She saw how attached he was to Cassidy and she was shocked that he could leave her. I think she eventually understood that our issues had nothing to do with her or Cassidy. She's still unhappy that Dave's not around, but she's getting used to it.

So now it's September 20th, and the house is still on the market. There's a fairly steady stream of realtors and prospects coming to see it. But so far no offers. The real estate market's just not very good right now. We're hoping that this week's announcement about the interest rate cut will spur some folks to get in a buying mood!

Meanwhile, neither Dave or I have officially moved out. But he spends most of his time in Vegas. He has a room in the home of a family we know. The wife, Pam, is one of our sales reps. Her husband, John, is a dentist and he and Dave get along well. They have only 1 child and a huge house with a spare room, so that's where Dave stays.

As for me, I have rented a townhouse with an ocean view here in Oceanside, but I'm not sure when I'll move in. It needs painting and some other fix-up work. I could move in as early as the weekend of Sept. 29/30, but I probably won't. I'm ordering some new furniture and that will take some time to arrive. Plus I haven't even BEGUN to pack things up here! For the purpose of selling the house, it shows better with furniture in every room. So we should keep the house set up here as long as possible.

Regarding the business, the plan is that Dave and I will both remain involved with it TFN. We actually work fairly well together, and it's a successful business, so this is one area that's not a problem! We both need the income from the business, and the business needs both of us in our respective roles. So we will try to keep going with it as it has been the last couple years.

The other side of my career, the publicity service, has been on 'hold' this year. I was pretty burnt out and needed a break. I keep saying I'll ramp it up again after I move. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. It's too soon to say. I will attend the Glorieta Christian Writers Conference in New Mexico, as I do each October, and teach a workshop. It will be good to visit with some "business friends" who I only see once or twice a year.

Soooo that pretty much summarizes why I haven't been around much to maintain this blog! The emotional strain of these developments has been enormous. June was the worst, before I told my family anyway. That's when the most intense talks were taking place. "Is this what we really want? Will we regret this? Is there anything we haven't considered?" Finally I came to grips with the fact that this was really happening, and nothing was going to change the course now. Dave has left a lot of things up to me, as a courtesy: when to tell family, what to say, when to list the house for sale, whether to file for separation or divorce (we haven't filed anything yet, but that's coming up). We seem to agree on all the big issues at hand, and there are no squabbles about possessions or anything. Please pray that nothing majorly contentious comes up.

As with all the storms of my life in recent years, this one has blown me into yet more uncharted waters. Even though I'm agreeing to this plan, it sure isn't how I wanted things to turn out. But I don't wish to remain married to someone who doesn't want to be married to me. I'm working my way through all the stages of grief, some days angry, other days depressed, and still other days accepting and moving on. I'm extremely blessed to have the support of wonderful friends and family members, and the phone always seems to ring at just the right time. You can probably guess all the things I need prayer for, so I won't list them here. This is long enough anyway!!!

Please email me when you can, especially if we haven't connected in a while. I'm sorry to be out of touch. But I know you understand now. Thanks!

Lots of love,
~Kim